being disappointed is the best reason for me to write down everything in my blog.
hari ini cukup melelahkan, tadi dari jam 12 siang gue udah pergi kerumah ratih dan nungguin dia siap" karena kita berniat nonton Rumah Dara. well, lucu nih ngeliatin ratih ganti baju sampe empat kali, mencari yang paling cocok haha, trus kita pergi deh ke PIM. sampai PIM ternyata kecepetan karena anak" yang lain blm pada dateng, akhirnya gue minta tolong ratih anterin gue nyari celengan tapi gak dapet. gue butuh celengan yang gak bisa dibuka dengan mudah sehingga kalo gue nabung uang di celengan, iman gue gak tergoda buat ngambil lagi hehe.
yaudah akhirnya gue dan ratih disuruh beli tiket dulu untuk sembilan orang, pas lagi beli tiket, azza dan ekki dateng. kita berempat nunggu yang lain, ya pelan" ryan yang rumahnya setempongan dari PIM dateng juga, disusul afi dan didit. oke karena film idah mau dimulai, kita bertujuh masuk duluan sedangkan ina dan ucup blm dateng. yaiyalah tadi pas gue dan ratih udah nyampe PIM, ina baru mau jalan, hahaha. akhirnya gue rasa dia ngebut tuh nyetir mobilnya.
filmnya gimana ya? buat gak nafsu makan, sadis gitu. nah, disinilah my fucking feeling dimulai. tadi gue ngetweet tentang filmnya bahwa gue gak sanggup liat filmnya dan tweet gue di RT sama dia. oke bukan seneng yang gue rasain tapi sedih. knp? karena gue jadi keinget sama dia dan kangen deh pengen sms-an. jujur ya, gue pengen bgt bisa keep contact sama dia, tapi gue gak berani. gue gak berani sms dia takut dibilang ganggu mulu atau SKSD. lagipula gue wanita, gue gak mau terlalu agresif juga. akhirnya gue cuma bisa bilang sama ana bahwa gue pengen bgt nangis saking pengennya sms-an sama dia. oke ini gak wajar, gue belum pernah ketemu dia, tapi gue selalu deg"an kalo liat nama dia.
yaudah gue alihin tuh prasaan pengen nangis gue, lagipula temen-temen gue lagi membuat fantasi dan jokes" lucu tentang Rumah Dara tadi. jadilah kita ngakak" di foodcourt PIM sambil makan.
trus gue pulang sampe rumah gue tlp ana karena katanya di mau cerita, nyuruh gue ol msn tapi msn gue lagi eror dan komputer gue lagi dipake so gue gak bisa ol msn. yaudah akhirnya si ana ceritanya lewat mssg di fb.
gak lama abis itu, gue lagi nonton Fired Up, bisa dibilang baru mulai dan ana sms katanya "dia" lagi ol msn. langsung tuh gue matiin dvd, gue begging sama kk gue supaya komputer dikasih gue. tangan gue udah gemeteran dan dingin. gue buru" sign in ke ebuddy dan alhamdulillah bisa ol msn.
nah iya dia ol, tapi gue gak berani buat chat dan lagi dia juga gak chat gue.
oke gue malah chat sama ana, menumpahkan semua kesedihan gue, gue gregetan bgt pengen chat tapi takut.
ana support gue sampe akhirnya gue berani buat chat, yang pertama gak dibales tuh. aduh malu bgt gue sumpaaaaaaaah ! tapi gue rasa emang chat gue yang gak masuk, akhirnya gue coba lagi dan dibales. balesannya singkat padat !
gue diem tuh, gue beneran mau nangis dan akhirnya gue cerita ke ana.
ana juga rada shock hehe pokoknya gue ngerasa dia bener" gak respect sama gue. yaudah gue diemin dan akhirnya dia chat gue lagi, yah cukup menghibur, paling gak gue sedikit seneng.
trus gue bales dan gak ada balesan lagi sampe dia off.
emang nih gue rada salah, gue sempet pergi selama 10 menit keanya, tapi gue tuh udah pesen ke dia supaya dia jangan off. gue masih bgt mau ngobrol". kalo bukan lewat chat pas dy ol kapaaaaaaaaaan? gue kan gak enak kalo mau sms dia takut ganggu.
yaudah sumpah gue kecewa bgt, tapi mau gimana lagi? gue gak punya hak kan untuk nyuruh dia ol mulu. oke deh, keanya bentar lagi gue nyerah karena gue ngerasa gak ada respon yang baik hiks...
i want the love finds me, not me finds the love...
Selasa, 26 Januari 2010
Senin, 25 Januari 2010
please !
God, please... surely i want to be someone more over close to him, what should i do? you boy, be respect with people around you ... dont you ever know that there's a girl waiting for your moving hah?
if i could not ignore this fuck' willing, whoever you are, i dont care, but it is not. you are like controlling and bothering my mind.
you are jerk if you dont understand whats going on around you. cant you just catch my clues? i mean like, it is unusual if you found me sent you mssg or waiting you to online in your social sites, say "hallo..." always for the first.
can't you find any diffrences? you are jerk if you couldnt find !!!
if i could not ignore this fuck' willing, whoever you are, i dont care, but it is not. you are like controlling and bothering my mind.
you are jerk if you dont understand whats going on around you. cant you just catch my clues? i mean like, it is unusual if you found me sent you mssg or waiting you to online in your social sites, say "hallo..." always for the first.
can't you find any diffrences? you are jerk if you couldnt find !!!
inspirated by my besties's story
gue baru aja denger cerita dari temen gue yang ngakunya lagi falling in love tapi malem ini lagi down down down, kea downpour diluar rumah hehe. jadi dia lagi ngebet sama cowo yang menurut ceritanya masih sayang sm mantanya padahal udah disakitin dan temen gue ini menggambarkan itu semua seperti gue ke mantan gue.
ya gak perlu disebutin apa aja, tapi intinya gebetan temen gue blm bisa ngelupain mantannya.
oke kalo direfleksikan ke gue, untuk orang yang blm pernah ngerasain akan mengatakan itu semua tolol, bego dan etc. tapi kalo lo sudah merasakannya, lo pasti akan diem dan mengatkan bahwa apa yang dulu pernah lo katakan ke gue slah.
ini terjadi loh sama salah satu temen SMA gue yang pada awalnya me-judge gue begitu, eh pas dia merasakan hal yang sama, baru dia sadar dan bilang sama gue bahwa apa yang dia katakan dulu itu salah.
mungkin gampang emang untuk bilang "lupain...", tapi FYI itu adalah bagian paling sulit hehe. lalu apa yang dibutuhkan untuk orang yang pernah mengalami hal begini? ,menurut pengalaman gue, support orang terdekat sangatlah berharga. dulu gue berpikir bahwa gue gak mau sekolah, gue gak mau kemana", setiap mall yang gue masukin pasti buat gue nangis dan gak mood makan (bisa di cek kebenarannya dengan kk gue), tapi gue sadar bahwa gue masih punya keluarga, Qicik dan teman-teman. gue masih inget banget waktu gue tau mantan gue jadian lagi setelah gue putus dua minggu, gue amat sangat gak niat sekolah. gue selalu benci denger bunyi alarm pagi, gue gak semangat makan (bahkan bokap gue bilang gue kurang gizi --> kurus), gue selalu mau liat mantan gue, selalu ingin bisa terlihat juga depan mantan gue. intinya gue seperti berusaha terlihat kuat padahal sbenernya hati gue nangis se-nangis-nangisnya. tapi masa iya gue terus"an ngeliatin kesedihan gue? bosen juga kali orang". ya lagi" orang" yang cuma bisa memandang dan berpendapat bahwa gue berlebihan, tapi you guys gak pernah ngalamin so jangan langsung men-judge, please...
ohya support dari Qicik, dimana kalau dirumah tumpuan kesedihan gue dan penyemangat hidup gue adalah nyokap gue, sedangkan kalau di sekolah adalah Qicik. gue inget banget betapa gue berpikir bahwa gue lemah banget kalau gue sampe gak masuk sekolah hanya karena mantan gue dan cewek barunya, langsung deh gue berpikir bahwa gue harus ketemu Qicik di sekolah karena dengan begitu gue bisa nyaman dan berani. pokoknya mereka bener" alasan kenapa gue masih niat masuk sekolah karena gue tau mereka bisa buat gue tertawa *thankyooou :)
hal lain yang dibutuhkan adalah butuh pengganti. walaupun dari sejak gue putus sampe sekarang gue masih jomblo, tapi sekarang gue merasa lagi suka sama seseorang. sayang aja tuh orang gak peka dan hanya anggap gue temen. tapi gue merasakan kok bedanya, saat ada orang yang menurut lo bisa menggantikan posisi mantan lo yang hilang. jujur ya awalnya emang gue merasa ini kea pelampiasan aja tapi as time goes by, berubah ! gue jadi mencari-cari dia hehe.
pada intinya orang dengan kasus seperti ini butuh didengarkan karena sebusuk apapun mantan pacar dengan keadaan begini, orang yang mengalaminya gak akan bisa membencinya.
begini penggambarannya menurut pengalaman gue, dalam hubungan pacaran ada maslah itu biasa. gak ada orang yang sempurna di dunia, oleh karena itu saat masalah itu muncul, seberapa besarpun masalah itu dan lo bisa menyelesaikan itu semua, rasa sayang yang tumbuh dalam hubungan lo akan semakin kuat.
trus lo mengalami hal yang sma lagi dengan msalah yang sama lagi, nah karena lo udah bisa melaluinya di kasus pertama, lo juga akan bisa menerima dan mengatasi masalah kedua dengan baik. semakin kuat lagi tuh hubungan lo.
trus misalnya masalah udah sampe di puncaknya dan lo merasa capek untuk terus berusaha menyelesaikannya dengan baik tapi kok keliatannya pacar lo gak ada niatan bai, lo akan kasih waktu tuh untuk berusaha sendiri merubah keadaan menjadi lebih baik. nah, dalam prosesnya merubah keadaan menjadi lebih baik, rasa sayang lo semakin kuat untuk mempertahankan hubungan lo, eh tapi pada akhirnya lo putus. SAKIT? pasti.
apa yang buat rasa sayang itu bertahan lama dalam diri lo walaupun lo udah seringkali diskitin mantan lo? karena lo pernah berusaha untuk bisa memperbaiki hubungan lo dengan mantan lo tapi lo gagal. itu yang buat lo mungkin "penasaran".
trus alasan lainnya adalah selama ini lo terlalu percaya dan sayang sm mantan lo, eh ternyata lo diskitin. nah, rasa sakit itu tuh yang membekas banget walaupun udah berbulan-bulan berlalu.
jangan pernah memaksakan untuk melupakan dan membenci mantan lo tersebut, karena semakin lo berusaha lupa, lo akan semakin teringat sama mantan lo. semakin lo berusaha benci, lo malah makin kangen sama mantan lo.
jadi let it flow aja, kalau emang udah waktunya lo punya relationship baru sama Mr. Right pasti secara gak langsung juga lo akan melupakan kisah" lo sama mantan lo baik yang buruk dan gak.
conclusion-nya dalah orang yang masuk dalam kasus ini butuh kesabaran dan pengertian dari orang lain. biarkan dia bercerita walaupun mungkin lo bosen dengernya, mantan lagi mantan lagi. tapi setelah dia ceritain apa yang dia rasain, dia akan ngerasa tenang dan dimengerti. nah, selama dia cerita inilah, lo harus bisa pelan" merubah persepsinya dia tentang mantan-nya itu, tapi jangan langsung "nembak" aja gitu, pelan" seolah-olah lo masuk dalam ceritanya. tunjukkan empati lo.
tapi kalo lo lagi" melarang dia untuk mengutarakan apa yang dia rasakan dan apa yang ingin dia ceritakan ke lo tentang mantannya, itu hanya akan buat dia memendam apa yang harusnya sia keluarkan dan itu malah membuat dia terus bermain dengan masa lalu-nya.
untuk orang yang melakukan ini ke mantan lo, nyakitin mantan lo sampe mantan lo bener" jatoh banget, siap" terima karma. Tuhan gak tidur guys !
ini semua pendapat gue aja menilik dari kisah pribadi hehe ...
ya gak perlu disebutin apa aja, tapi intinya gebetan temen gue blm bisa ngelupain mantannya.
oke kalo direfleksikan ke gue, untuk orang yang blm pernah ngerasain akan mengatakan itu semua tolol, bego dan etc. tapi kalo lo sudah merasakannya, lo pasti akan diem dan mengatkan bahwa apa yang dulu pernah lo katakan ke gue slah.
ini terjadi loh sama salah satu temen SMA gue yang pada awalnya me-judge gue begitu, eh pas dia merasakan hal yang sama, baru dia sadar dan bilang sama gue bahwa apa yang dia katakan dulu itu salah.
mungkin gampang emang untuk bilang "lupain...", tapi FYI itu adalah bagian paling sulit hehe. lalu apa yang dibutuhkan untuk orang yang pernah mengalami hal begini? ,menurut pengalaman gue, support orang terdekat sangatlah berharga. dulu gue berpikir bahwa gue gak mau sekolah, gue gak mau kemana", setiap mall yang gue masukin pasti buat gue nangis dan gak mood makan (bisa di cek kebenarannya dengan kk gue), tapi gue sadar bahwa gue masih punya keluarga, Qicik dan teman-teman. gue masih inget banget waktu gue tau mantan gue jadian lagi setelah gue putus dua minggu, gue amat sangat gak niat sekolah. gue selalu benci denger bunyi alarm pagi, gue gak semangat makan (bahkan bokap gue bilang gue kurang gizi --> kurus), gue selalu mau liat mantan gue, selalu ingin bisa terlihat juga depan mantan gue. intinya gue seperti berusaha terlihat kuat padahal sbenernya hati gue nangis se-nangis-nangisnya. tapi masa iya gue terus"an ngeliatin kesedihan gue? bosen juga kali orang". ya lagi" orang" yang cuma bisa memandang dan berpendapat bahwa gue berlebihan, tapi you guys gak pernah ngalamin so jangan langsung men-judge, please...
ohya support dari Qicik, dimana kalau dirumah tumpuan kesedihan gue dan penyemangat hidup gue adalah nyokap gue, sedangkan kalau di sekolah adalah Qicik. gue inget banget betapa gue berpikir bahwa gue lemah banget kalau gue sampe gak masuk sekolah hanya karena mantan gue dan cewek barunya, langsung deh gue berpikir bahwa gue harus ketemu Qicik di sekolah karena dengan begitu gue bisa nyaman dan berani. pokoknya mereka bener" alasan kenapa gue masih niat masuk sekolah karena gue tau mereka bisa buat gue tertawa *thankyooou :)
hal lain yang dibutuhkan adalah butuh pengganti. walaupun dari sejak gue putus sampe sekarang gue masih jomblo, tapi sekarang gue merasa lagi suka sama seseorang. sayang aja tuh orang gak peka dan hanya anggap gue temen. tapi gue merasakan kok bedanya, saat ada orang yang menurut lo bisa menggantikan posisi mantan lo yang hilang. jujur ya awalnya emang gue merasa ini kea pelampiasan aja tapi as time goes by, berubah ! gue jadi mencari-cari dia hehe.
pada intinya orang dengan kasus seperti ini butuh didengarkan karena sebusuk apapun mantan pacar dengan keadaan begini, orang yang mengalaminya gak akan bisa membencinya.
begini penggambarannya menurut pengalaman gue, dalam hubungan pacaran ada maslah itu biasa. gak ada orang yang sempurna di dunia, oleh karena itu saat masalah itu muncul, seberapa besarpun masalah itu dan lo bisa menyelesaikan itu semua, rasa sayang yang tumbuh dalam hubungan lo akan semakin kuat.
trus lo mengalami hal yang sma lagi dengan msalah yang sama lagi, nah karena lo udah bisa melaluinya di kasus pertama, lo juga akan bisa menerima dan mengatasi masalah kedua dengan baik. semakin kuat lagi tuh hubungan lo.
trus misalnya masalah udah sampe di puncaknya dan lo merasa capek untuk terus berusaha menyelesaikannya dengan baik tapi kok keliatannya pacar lo gak ada niatan bai, lo akan kasih waktu tuh untuk berusaha sendiri merubah keadaan menjadi lebih baik. nah, dalam prosesnya merubah keadaan menjadi lebih baik, rasa sayang lo semakin kuat untuk mempertahankan hubungan lo, eh tapi pada akhirnya lo putus. SAKIT? pasti.
apa yang buat rasa sayang itu bertahan lama dalam diri lo walaupun lo udah seringkali diskitin mantan lo? karena lo pernah berusaha untuk bisa memperbaiki hubungan lo dengan mantan lo tapi lo gagal. itu yang buat lo mungkin "penasaran".
trus alasan lainnya adalah selama ini lo terlalu percaya dan sayang sm mantan lo, eh ternyata lo diskitin. nah, rasa sakit itu tuh yang membekas banget walaupun udah berbulan-bulan berlalu.
jangan pernah memaksakan untuk melupakan dan membenci mantan lo tersebut, karena semakin lo berusaha lupa, lo akan semakin teringat sama mantan lo. semakin lo berusaha benci, lo malah makin kangen sama mantan lo.
jadi let it flow aja, kalau emang udah waktunya lo punya relationship baru sama Mr. Right pasti secara gak langsung juga lo akan melupakan kisah" lo sama mantan lo baik yang buruk dan gak.
conclusion-nya dalah orang yang masuk dalam kasus ini butuh kesabaran dan pengertian dari orang lain. biarkan dia bercerita walaupun mungkin lo bosen dengernya, mantan lagi mantan lagi. tapi setelah dia ceritain apa yang dia rasain, dia akan ngerasa tenang dan dimengerti. nah, selama dia cerita inilah, lo harus bisa pelan" merubah persepsinya dia tentang mantan-nya itu, tapi jangan langsung "nembak" aja gitu, pelan" seolah-olah lo masuk dalam ceritanya. tunjukkan empati lo.
tapi kalo lo lagi" melarang dia untuk mengutarakan apa yang dia rasakan dan apa yang ingin dia ceritakan ke lo tentang mantannya, itu hanya akan buat dia memendam apa yang harusnya sia keluarkan dan itu malah membuat dia terus bermain dengan masa lalu-nya.
untuk orang yang melakukan ini ke mantan lo, nyakitin mantan lo sampe mantan lo bener" jatoh banget, siap" terima karma. Tuhan gak tidur guys !
ini semua pendapat gue aja menilik dari kisah pribadi hehe ...
ghost LOL
yeah i just woke up and i were craving for *martabak (what's the name in english?). yet i really woke up completely, i remembered that i have a promise to pick up the downpayment for the stand for Psy's eve. so i went out home w/ many bussiness, (1) picked up the downpayment, (2) bought *martabak, (3) bought cough medicine because my cough is not getting better. then i used my motorcycle and went out with the usual way. ass hole, i looked a ghost LOL, i mean i looked r***'s car infrontof b*****'s home. wooow, i just shocked then rolled my direction to the other ways hehe ...
boy, please moves faster !
if i am stupid, i will catch you now. no matter what people will say about me, but i just want my happiness. is it over to get? NO !
but im not the stupid one, i mean i dont want to be a mean girl in everyone glasses.
yes this is one of the weakness of a women that as a women, there is still a limit in behaviour, something like rebound the moving of women.
this is not mean that the boy doesnt have a limit in their behaviour but in many cases, woman are more over attention to this limits.
understand? i guess no, because i also dont understand about it.
yeah the conclusion is women just can wait and man move faster, please !
but im not the stupid one, i mean i dont want to be a mean girl in everyone glasses.
yes this is one of the weakness of a women that as a women, there is still a limit in behaviour, something like rebound the moving of women.
this is not mean that the boy doesnt have a limit in their behaviour but in many cases, woman are more over attention to this limits.
understand? i guess no, because i also dont understand about it.
yeah the conclusion is women just can wait and man move faster, please !
Minggu, 24 Januari 2010
thankyou mr. unknown
well, i never realize before that there is something like my mood booster right now. you are really great, boy. i even never ever meet you before but i feel it seems like you are success playing my mood.
i dont know why but i feel like missing you right now. i always open my social site just to know you were there or not then i always got the same answer that you were not there. fine !
i expect you could respect to me, not me that always hope of it. i maybe can guess that now you have been got your best girl but i really hope it doesn't so.
i even don't have any right to make you like i want you to be because i'm not whoever for you.
i just can't control myself, i only hope that you can feel that im exist in the same world with you so you can just sai "hallo" to me. maybe im jealous to your best girl which looks like really close to you, but forsure im not whoever for you so i just can feel it alone, cannot tell how i want to be someone over close to you.
thankyou mr. mood booster, hope you will over put an attention to me :)
i dont know why but i feel like missing you right now. i always open my social site just to know you were there or not then i always got the same answer that you were not there. fine !
i expect you could respect to me, not me that always hope of it. i maybe can guess that now you have been got your best girl but i really hope it doesn't so.
i even don't have any right to make you like i want you to be because i'm not whoever for you.
i just can't control myself, i only hope that you can feel that im exist in the same world with you so you can just sai "hallo" to me. maybe im jealous to your best girl which looks like really close to you, but forsure im not whoever for you so i just can feel it alone, cannot tell how i want to be someone over close to you.
thankyou mr. mood booster, hope you will over put an attention to me :)
best friend forever
i just watched "Bratz" on dvd. shortly the story is about four girl that have a really close relationship "best frienf forever", then they are enter a high school and start their high-school-life there. further more they are seems like apart away each other. there are in the Science and Sewing Group, Football Group, Cheerleader Group and the last one nothing entire any groups. then they are become dificult to find the best time to hang out or just gather together. they are all really busy with their new groups. it has been happened for two years later until a bad case make them realize that there is not any best friend forever anymore ant they really miss the time they were together. so from those time, they were promised each other that there is nothing that could make their friendship broke up anymore.
well, darisitu gue berpikir dan amat bersyukur bahwa persahabatan gue dengan Qicik tetap berjalan lancar dengan baik even kita semua beda major bahkan dua orang dari kita beda kampus dan harus nge-kost pula. kuncinya adalah komunikasi tetap berjalan baik, walaupun setiap dari kita psti menemukan teman di kampus baru, orang-orang baru, environment baru, tapi kalau gue perhatikan kita masih saling mengisi satu sama lain.
misalkan ada yang punya masalah, kita masih sharing bareng, kita juga selalu usahakan ngumpul, paling gak dalam satu bulan pasti ada waktunya kita ngumpul. intinya kita ak egois aja sama kepentingan amsing". lagipula seara pribadi aja gue sering kangen kalo udah lewat dari dua minggu gak ketemu Qicik, yah walaupun masih bisa sms-an, tapi kurang seru aja kalo gak ngumpul.
trus apa lagi ya? saling ngerti kepentingan juga sih, misalnya gue ana vissa yang di UI mau UTS atau UAS, kita msih saling nyemangatin entah langsung, lewat twitter atau facebook, sms. trus kita juga pasti cari waktu kumpul yang pas, dimana kelima-limanya dari kita gak lagi ada ujian bsk, atau lagi gak ada acara di kampus.
apa lagi ya? kita juga ada kegiatan belajar bareng, lebih tepatnya indi dan vissa sih karena major mereka mirip", sedangkan gue, ana dan dita hanya nemenin sambil nonton dvd hehe. trus apalagi? yah intinya walaupun kita menemukan teman' baru di kampus, tapi kita masih tetap me-nomor-satukan friendship kita yang udah kita bangun sejak awal kelas dua SMA. wow, udah lama ya haha. selain itu, buat aja persahabatan ini selalu nyaman sehingga akan terus muncul perasaan kangen untuk saling ketemu.
yakin deh bahwa Qicik akan long lasting sampe tua :) :) :)
i love you all ...
well, darisitu gue berpikir dan amat bersyukur bahwa persahabatan gue dengan Qicik tetap berjalan lancar dengan baik even kita semua beda major bahkan dua orang dari kita beda kampus dan harus nge-kost pula. kuncinya adalah komunikasi tetap berjalan baik, walaupun setiap dari kita psti menemukan teman di kampus baru, orang-orang baru, environment baru, tapi kalau gue perhatikan kita masih saling mengisi satu sama lain.
misalkan ada yang punya masalah, kita masih sharing bareng, kita juga selalu usahakan ngumpul, paling gak dalam satu bulan pasti ada waktunya kita ngumpul. intinya kita ak egois aja sama kepentingan amsing". lagipula seara pribadi aja gue sering kangen kalo udah lewat dari dua minggu gak ketemu Qicik, yah walaupun masih bisa sms-an, tapi kurang seru aja kalo gak ngumpul.
trus apa lagi ya? saling ngerti kepentingan juga sih, misalnya gue ana vissa yang di UI mau UTS atau UAS, kita msih saling nyemangatin entah langsung, lewat twitter atau facebook, sms. trus kita juga pasti cari waktu kumpul yang pas, dimana kelima-limanya dari kita gak lagi ada ujian bsk, atau lagi gak ada acara di kampus.
apa lagi ya? kita juga ada kegiatan belajar bareng, lebih tepatnya indi dan vissa sih karena major mereka mirip", sedangkan gue, ana dan dita hanya nemenin sambil nonton dvd hehe. trus apalagi? yah intinya walaupun kita menemukan teman' baru di kampus, tapi kita masih tetap me-nomor-satukan friendship kita yang udah kita bangun sejak awal kelas dua SMA. wow, udah lama ya haha. selain itu, buat aja persahabatan ini selalu nyaman sehingga akan terus muncul perasaan kangen untuk saling ketemu.
yakin deh bahwa Qicik akan long lasting sampe tua :) :) :)
i love you all ...
Jumat, 22 Januari 2010
about me :)
i just wanna write down a short story about myself, i don't know why but i think i haven't yet intorduce myself as completely.
well, im umaira fotineri, female :p. my name has a meaning, umaira means blushing cheek (i think im not a-blushing-cheek-girl), fotineri has a meaning if you divided this word into two part (foti for fourteen, neri for january). well from my last name, i think you can guess when was i born? yap, i was born in 14 january 1992, so if i just got my 18th years old. i have three sisters named Wenty (pharmacist), Ameru (medical student), Nola (junior high school student). for now, im a single but i really enjoy it.
about my self, im attending my college thingy at Faculty of Psychology, UI. im in second semester now with my lovable daily activities at my campus. i have four bestfriends with Avissa, Indi, Ana, Dita. we are named ourself as Qicik. i love this friendship because they are so into me. anout my hobby, i love travell, family gather, watch romantic-movies and korean-dramas, find something new about my major, hang out with my besties and friends, eat, water-sport and ...
about being myself, as me in my life, i really love my life. im lucky to be one part in my family. even sometimes my bad attitude show up, but i think that's what a thing that make my life more meaningfull. by my bad attitude, i could learn about the new one better. well, im a stressing person. something that no need to be stressed, i did it.
about my weakness, i have my stronger ---> mommy, Qicik. waht is a thing that i hate so much from myself ---> PROCASTINATOR, UN-ON-TIME-PERSON, LAZY.
ohya now i really want to go Korea, visit many places that used to shoot some korean-dramas. i also really want Hongkong, play at Disneyland. well, maybe i'll get one of them in my August or December.
then now im wondering about Kasim Family's trip to Bali-Lombok in June or July. wohohoho it will be so really fun.
one thing about my big wish now, i want to complete my undergraduate-college for 3,5 years then find a scholarship to abroad for S2 degree then find a work then marry then happily aver after ...
well, im umaira fotineri, female :p. my name has a meaning, umaira means blushing cheek (i think im not a-blushing-cheek-girl), fotineri has a meaning if you divided this word into two part (foti for fourteen, neri for january). well from my last name, i think you can guess when was i born? yap, i was born in 14 january 1992, so if i just got my 18th years old. i have three sisters named Wenty (pharmacist), Ameru (medical student), Nola (junior high school student). for now, im a single but i really enjoy it.
about my self, im attending my college thingy at Faculty of Psychology, UI. im in second semester now with my lovable daily activities at my campus. i have four bestfriends with Avissa, Indi, Ana, Dita. we are named ourself as Qicik. i love this friendship because they are so into me. anout my hobby, i love travell, family gather, watch romantic-movies and korean-dramas, find something new about my major, hang out with my besties and friends, eat, water-sport and ...
about being myself, as me in my life, i really love my life. im lucky to be one part in my family. even sometimes my bad attitude show up, but i think that's what a thing that make my life more meaningfull. by my bad attitude, i could learn about the new one better. well, im a stressing person. something that no need to be stressed, i did it.
about my weakness, i have my stronger ---> mommy, Qicik. waht is a thing that i hate so much from myself ---> PROCASTINATOR, UN-ON-TIME-PERSON, LAZY.
ohya now i really want to go Korea, visit many places that used to shoot some korean-dramas. i also really want Hongkong, play at Disneyland. well, maybe i'll get one of them in my August or December.
then now im wondering about Kasim Family's trip to Bali-Lombok in June or July. wohohoho it will be so really fun.
one thing about my big wish now, i want to complete my undergraduate-college for 3,5 years then find a scholarship to abroad for S2 degree then find a work then marry then happily aver after ...
Rabu, 20 Januari 2010
my wedding plan :)
okay, i just watched a film, not about marriage but more about man and woman who are falling in love. but suddenly i just thinking about how is my wedding party would be? well, i just wanna write down everything about my wedding party in my blog :)
first, i want my my bridge as i called my prince *hehehe* asks me to marry him in the first place we met, with such a beautiful roses bucket. about the ring, i don't really care, but the important one, the size must be match with my big finger LOL.
second, i want my invitation card's model just simple. no man pre-wedding photos and the colour i choose purple and gold.
third, my pre-wedding-photoshoot. i will do the photoshoot in the first place my prince told me that he loved me. another themes are like in the palace (me as the princess and him as the prince), in the cafe we are usually meet, in a garden using Sari as Indian :)
fourth, i want my wedding gaun seems like a real princess. maybe i'll make twice party, in my home for my neighbours and in a ballroom hotel for important people. the party in my home, i'll choose to use my traditional wedding clothes, PADANGNESE. i realy want use "Suntiang", i think that will show me that i'm a padangnese. about the party in the ballroom hotel, i want to use a gaun colouring the mixing of red-gold and hold a bucket of flowers then throw it to the the guests. AWWW, so sweet i think !
fifth, the souvenir. i think the best one is ... no idea. maybe i'll decide which one the best if i have gone to wedding-souvenir-shop :)
sixth, i want my wedding party at home theming about Padang, with the tend colouring green and gold. about the food, i better choose western. the party in ballroom hotel theming about the palace. there will be so many flowers, the ballroom as magically change seems like a palace with the japanese food, such as sushi etc.
seventh, i want my honeymoon in Greek. if it is impossible, i better choose Lombok maybe. i want my honeymoon in a romantic place with a cold weather. oh Gosh, that would be so much nice !
eighth, i want my first night in the hotel we are marrying :) LOL
nineth, after honeymoon, i want directly move to our new house that architected by me.
i think that all that have just flying" in my thought. i totally want Qicik could be my *pendamping the bridgeroom :) AMIN !
first, i want my my bridge as i called my prince *hehehe* asks me to marry him in the first place we met, with such a beautiful roses bucket. about the ring, i don't really care, but the important one, the size must be match with my big finger LOL.
second, i want my invitation card's model just simple. no man pre-wedding photos and the colour i choose purple and gold.
third, my pre-wedding-photoshoot. i will do the photoshoot in the first place my prince told me that he loved me. another themes are like in the palace (me as the princess and him as the prince), in the cafe we are usually meet, in a garden using Sari as Indian :)
fourth, i want my wedding gaun seems like a real princess. maybe i'll make twice party, in my home for my neighbours and in a ballroom hotel for important people. the party in my home, i'll choose to use my traditional wedding clothes, PADANGNESE. i realy want use "Suntiang", i think that will show me that i'm a padangnese. about the party in the ballroom hotel, i want to use a gaun colouring the mixing of red-gold and hold a bucket of flowers then throw it to the the guests. AWWW, so sweet i think !
fifth, the souvenir. i think the best one is ... no idea. maybe i'll decide which one the best if i have gone to wedding-souvenir-shop :)
sixth, i want my wedding party at home theming about Padang, with the tend colouring green and gold. about the food, i better choose western. the party in ballroom hotel theming about the palace. there will be so many flowers, the ballroom as magically change seems like a palace with the japanese food, such as sushi etc.
seventh, i want my honeymoon in Greek. if it is impossible, i better choose Lombok maybe. i want my honeymoon in a romantic place with a cold weather. oh Gosh, that would be so much nice !
eighth, i want my first night in the hotel we are marrying :) LOL
nineth, after honeymoon, i want directly move to our new house that architected by me.
i think that all that have just flying" in my thought. i totally want Qicik could be my *pendamping the bridgeroom :) AMIN !
RIP my lovely aunty ...
it was on January 14th 2010, i just celebrated my birthday with my collegues and i just got my home not more than ten minutes passed then my daddy with a lil' bit watering eyes said " Mak'ngah meninggal ". OH MY GOSH, you aunty left me in birthday? my mom just cried directly, me and my first sister also did. my second sister and my lil' sister just shocked. yes they both not really women i think.
well, our last meeting were in your daughter's wedding. still remember how busy we were? but i loved it, i really miss those times. gathered with all big families that officialy apart each other, there are in Jogja, Riau, Jakarta and Muara Bungo then we met each other ! I MISS YOU ALL !!!
then in the beggining of 2010, you sent your lil' brother -my daddy- a mssg and you told him that you were now opname at hospital and from the doctor's diagnosis, your illness were Leukimia -blood cancer-. you also told my daddy to not speak about it to anyone and my daddy did it even with his family. in my day, i got a mssg from my cousin -uni esti- that congrated me and told me that your condition were getting worse. you had trombosit transfussion until 18 pockets and blood until 9 pockets. the really illness were your back bone didn't work and produced any trombosit or blood. it caused your back bone was attacked by a virus.
well, from those mssg, i got an unwell feeling, but i ignored it. i know you'll fine. but the reality was you are gone. i really sad ! you are gone in my 18th birthday.
aunty,
i always pray for you,
no matter what you are exist in the same world with me or not,
you'll always be one of my best aunty.
everybody prays for you,
they all were sad when you were gone.
all you kindness, patient, words,
really touchy and mother-ness.
you worked for helping mother caring their pregnancy and giving a life to their baby.
it's you,
an angel ...
we will miss you,
we love you ...
well, our last meeting were in your daughter's wedding. still remember how busy we were? but i loved it, i really miss those times. gathered with all big families that officialy apart each other, there are in Jogja, Riau, Jakarta and Muara Bungo then we met each other ! I MISS YOU ALL !!!
then in the beggining of 2010, you sent your lil' brother -my daddy- a mssg and you told him that you were now opname at hospital and from the doctor's diagnosis, your illness were Leukimia -blood cancer-. you also told my daddy to not speak about it to anyone and my daddy did it even with his family. in my day, i got a mssg from my cousin -uni esti- that congrated me and told me that your condition were getting worse. you had trombosit transfussion until 18 pockets and blood until 9 pockets. the really illness were your back bone didn't work and produced any trombosit or blood. it caused your back bone was attacked by a virus.
well, from those mssg, i got an unwell feeling, but i ignored it. i know you'll fine. but the reality was you are gone. i really sad ! you are gone in my 18th birthday.
aunty,
i always pray for you,
no matter what you are exist in the same world with me or not,
you'll always be one of my best aunty.
everybody prays for you,
they all were sad when you were gone.
all you kindness, patient, words,
really touchy and mother-ness.
you worked for helping mother caring their pregnancy and giving a life to their baby.
it's you,
an angel ...
we will miss you,
we love you ...
multitalented woman
well, i just watched Indonesian Acoustic Concert by SGU Univ. and held at Umar Ismail Hall. i went there with ana and vissa, anyway indi also there, yes she was! she was be a usher. well, i got an envy feeling when i saw a girl played *biola and looked so enjoy on it. she was cool, then i thought, what kind of any talent that growing up in me? NOTHING. yea, i absolutely lil' bit regret to not using my past time studying about something beside the primary thingy in the school. in the past time, me and my second sister have been registered in keyboard's course but i never did it seriously so i decided to quit. then, i registered again in Sanggar Ananda, studied many things, from modelling, acting and dancing. ya i really remember that i almost played Lenong Bocah but i didn't attend because i have to school.
If i looked inside to me, i could guess that i have a talent at dancing and acting. LOL. yes, some people who has been looked at me dancing, always gave a nice feedback, seems like "you are nice when you are dancing 'cause you could make all your body's parts move". but i never put attention on it so i were lazy to learn it more deeply. but now, i really jealous when i look a girl has a talent.
I REGRET TO PASS MY TIME WITH NOTHING LIKE GROWING UP OR FOUNDING MY REAL TALENT
now, i studying about sewing but i think it's not really into me. maybe i'll get it over sooner and find another courses :)
If i looked inside to me, i could guess that i have a talent at dancing and acting. LOL. yes, some people who has been looked at me dancing, always gave a nice feedback, seems like "you are nice when you are dancing 'cause you could make all your body's parts move". but i never put attention on it so i were lazy to learn it more deeply. but now, i really jealous when i look a girl has a talent.
I REGRET TO PASS MY TIME WITH NOTHING LIKE GROWING UP OR FOUNDING MY REAL TALENT
now, i studying about sewing but i think it's not really into me. maybe i'll get it over sooner and find another courses :)
Sabtu, 09 Januari 2010
it's come and i'm being silent
time goes so fast, yet i know if i were success to achieve every goal in my 17th but this year old gonna change for four days later.
then many things change around me, included my thought. now, as time goes by, as time let me studied many things about psychology, i think i'm better now to step by step solve my problem.
yeah, this almost lately one year many things happen, there were happiness, sadness, crash, normal and etc.
let me remembering my lately year :
January : this was my month, really mine. i'm getting 17th years old and got my identity card *hehe. what was the most touchy thing? hmm, my ex. congrated me and his sister gave me a gift even we've broken. i think that was really touchy on those time. the other, i celebrated my sweet seventeen with all my class's mates and some people other. i got surprise also, the first time in my life i got one and a half dozen of eggs punched to my head. gosh, so sweet, i never forget this moment. hmm and i also celebrated my birthday with Qicik at Sushi Tei Sency. the most memorable thing was when i got in in a box from O'Channel (kalo gak salah) then i did katarsis.
February : Nothing too much happiness in these month, me and my friends who registered in SIMAK UI just studied hard seemed like all of us were hunted by deadline. we also did every Try Out for UAN, hmmm so hard these month i think. the most memorable thing was when me, avissa, indy and dita decided to try studied in J. Co Cibubur Junction, pheeeeeew so dilligent we were :)
March : ouch one of the hardest month i think, too much tears blew down. first, SIMAK UI in 1st March, it was really auuuuuuuuuch *couldnt desribe. i even never ever thought that i would passed the test. second, i crabbed my holidays in Thailand, my daddy said that it was for refreshing my mind from every thingy bothered. third, my bestfriend died ! pheeew i even havent had said goodbye. fourth, i got a damfull relation with my ex. boyfie. fifth, i got appendix surgery while everything in my school scremed me caused of my problem with my ex. boyfie. whadda very very tiring month :(
April : hmm nothing special ya, just UAN at 20th-25th April. hmm cant describe, i do really miss these time, lately lately days with my class XII Sience 6 :)
May : be a jobless :) and worked for buken .
Juni : still worked for buken. other times, i attended my high school garduation. one of the most thingy that could be prouded of to me was i got ranking 3 for my score in school as general, came up to the stage, got my *piagam. hmm i also attended for Thirsty Jane held by my high school, poorly i couldn't come completely with Qicik.
July : started my month with registration in Faculty of Psychology University of Indonesia and all my day tarpped in UI.
August : still in busy time with college thingy, pheeew :)
September : my first month be a collegues, whadda really memorable month where i were still struggling to adapt with the environment, found some friends and i got it as well, really well !
October : still busy on my college phase. got every experience that new in my life wihihihi.
November : hmm i joined on PIASTRO as Perlap's staff, what a really missing moment ! GOR BULUNGAN, GOR CITOS, seven eleven, blok M, slurpee, pecel ayam, YELL GUYS !
December : i got stress to face my UAS. too much papers, tasks, essays, etc. hmm i got my new netbook from my daddy but i lost it two weeks later :(
January : be a jobless, but i really happy on 13rd when me and psy's mates used all day in Dufan. aaaaaaaaaaaaa !
that's all my lately 17th years old :) hopes in my 18th years old, everything gonna be better .
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME !!!
then many things change around me, included my thought. now, as time goes by, as time let me studied many things about psychology, i think i'm better now to step by step solve my problem.
yeah, this almost lately one year many things happen, there were happiness, sadness, crash, normal and etc.
let me remembering my lately year :
January : this was my month, really mine. i'm getting 17th years old and got my identity card *hehe. what was the most touchy thing? hmm, my ex. congrated me and his sister gave me a gift even we've broken. i think that was really touchy on those time. the other, i celebrated my sweet seventeen with all my class's mates and some people other. i got surprise also, the first time in my life i got one and a half dozen of eggs punched to my head. gosh, so sweet, i never forget this moment. hmm and i also celebrated my birthday with Qicik at Sushi Tei Sency. the most memorable thing was when i got in in a box from O'Channel (kalo gak salah) then i did katarsis.
February : Nothing too much happiness in these month, me and my friends who registered in SIMAK UI just studied hard seemed like all of us were hunted by deadline. we also did every Try Out for UAN, hmmm so hard these month i think. the most memorable thing was when me, avissa, indy and dita decided to try studied in J. Co Cibubur Junction, pheeeeeew so dilligent we were :)
March : ouch one of the hardest month i think, too much tears blew down. first, SIMAK UI in 1st March, it was really auuuuuuuuuch *couldnt desribe. i even never ever thought that i would passed the test. second, i crabbed my holidays in Thailand, my daddy said that it was for refreshing my mind from every thingy bothered. third, my bestfriend died ! pheeew i even havent had said goodbye. fourth, i got a damfull relation with my ex. boyfie. fifth, i got appendix surgery while everything in my school scremed me caused of my problem with my ex. boyfie. whadda very very tiring month :(
April : hmm nothing special ya, just UAN at 20th-25th April. hmm cant describe, i do really miss these time, lately lately days with my class XII Sience 6 :)
May : be a jobless :) and worked for buken .
Juni : still worked for buken. other times, i attended my high school garduation. one of the most thingy that could be prouded of to me was i got ranking 3 for my score in school as general, came up to the stage, got my *piagam. hmm i also attended for Thirsty Jane held by my high school, poorly i couldn't come completely with Qicik.
July : started my month with registration in Faculty of Psychology University of Indonesia and all my day tarpped in UI.
August : still in busy time with college thingy, pheeew :)
September : my first month be a collegues, whadda really memorable month where i were still struggling to adapt with the environment, found some friends and i got it as well, really well !
October : still busy on my college phase. got every experience that new in my life wihihihi.
November : hmm i joined on PIASTRO as Perlap's staff, what a really missing moment ! GOR BULUNGAN, GOR CITOS, seven eleven, blok M, slurpee, pecel ayam, YELL GUYS !
December : i got stress to face my UAS. too much papers, tasks, essays, etc. hmm i got my new netbook from my daddy but i lost it two weeks later :(
January : be a jobless, but i really happy on 13rd when me and psy's mates used all day in Dufan. aaaaaaaaaaaaa !
that's all my lately 17th years old :) hopes in my 18th years old, everything gonna be better .
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME !!!
don't understand myself :(
i write in my blog not need to read by others, these all about myself, what i felt, what i did, what i wished and what i want to do.
well, today is 9th January 2010 ---> Technical Meeting for Cikampex in my hing school. i went there for getting more info about Cikampex and i got surprise maybe.
hmm, hari ini ke sekolah lagi dan senang banget, udh lama gak kesana, kangen sama guru"nya, kantin, kamar mandi dan memorinya. oke, pada awalnya gue dan ketiga teman gue rada bingung tech-meet dimana sampai akhirnya kita menemukan kelasnya.
then i shocked, my ex were there. hmm almost six months never met at all, my feeling? just so so. apa ya, emang sih gue kaget karena gak nyangka dia juga akan dateng, tapi semua itu dataaaaaar bgt.
we have broken for more than one year, trus juga akhir"nya kita musuhan. so? nothing special. he's not into me anymore.
tapiii ada yang buat gue senang hari ini, gue gak tau ya ini perasaan apa tapi seems like gue lagi suka sama seseorang. gue selalu aja seneng waktu itu org nyapa gue dalam bentuk apapun di jejaring sosial dan gue selalu menunggu balesannya.
gue jadi tambah sering buka facebook atau twitter, berharap ada sesuatu yang baru dari dia. hmm mungkinkah perasaan gue yang udah mati selama satu tahun hidup kembali? gak tau ya, itu kan baru perasaab gue aja dan gue orang yang rada susah sekarang untuk sayang secara benar sama cowo *TRAUMA sama masa lalu.
then malem ini, gak tau kenapa hati gue meloooooooow bgt sampai akhirnya gue memutuskan untuk nge-post this posting. i feel better after i wrote down everything.
oke, gue belum terlalu yakin gue suka beneran atau cuma merasa sepi dan kosong aja karena sudah satu tahun gue bener" belum berani dan siap untuk punya hubungan lagi sama cowo, tapi ini beda gue selalu menunggu dan deg"an.
gak salah sih, gue malah senang, tandanya gue secara perlahan mulai bisa ninggalin daerah trauma gue, tapiii gue gak mau berharap terlalu jauh. takut sakit bgt akhirnya kalau apa yang kita harapkan gak sesuai dengan apa yang jadi kenyataan.
hmmm,tapi sekarang gue baru sadar, kayaknya gue yang agresif bukan cowonya then gue berpikir bahwa ini semua salah. gue gak mau mengejar cowo lagi, gue mau sekarang gue yang dikejar. gue punya pengalaman amat pahit ya waktu gue jadian sama cowo yang gue gebet duluan, jadi gue gak mau itu terjadi lagi. let the love finds me, not me finds the love.
sekarang ada satu hal yang menganjal otak gue bahwa gue merasa itu cowo gak sadar atau gak peka ya sama gue? hmm jangan" dia hanya anggap gue teman biasa aja, gak ada niat untuk lebih dekat. okay, itu nyakitin, pemikiran kayak gitu nyakitin banget. tapi bukan gak mungkin semua hal itu benar, toh kita juga baru kenal dan blm pernah ketemu.
maka dari itu, gue mulai sekarang memutuskan untuk membuang jauh" harapan tinggi menjulang (hehe *lebai) untuk bisa menjadi orang yang lebih dekat lagi dengan dia. gue gak mau sakit lagi, cukup gue ngerasain sakit hati yang sampai sekarang masih berbekas. kalau memang cowo itu ada niat untuk lebih deket lagi sama gue, pasti ada jalan untuk kita berdua saling tahu kok :) :) be positive thinking aja :D
well, today is 9th January 2010 ---> Technical Meeting for Cikampex in my hing school. i went there for getting more info about Cikampex and i got surprise maybe.
hmm, hari ini ke sekolah lagi dan senang banget, udh lama gak kesana, kangen sama guru"nya, kantin, kamar mandi dan memorinya. oke, pada awalnya gue dan ketiga teman gue rada bingung tech-meet dimana sampai akhirnya kita menemukan kelasnya.
then i shocked, my ex were there. hmm almost six months never met at all, my feeling? just so so. apa ya, emang sih gue kaget karena gak nyangka dia juga akan dateng, tapi semua itu dataaaaaar bgt.
we have broken for more than one year, trus juga akhir"nya kita musuhan. so? nothing special. he's not into me anymore.
tapiii ada yang buat gue senang hari ini, gue gak tau ya ini perasaan apa tapi seems like gue lagi suka sama seseorang. gue selalu aja seneng waktu itu org nyapa gue dalam bentuk apapun di jejaring sosial dan gue selalu menunggu balesannya.
gue jadi tambah sering buka facebook atau twitter, berharap ada sesuatu yang baru dari dia. hmm mungkinkah perasaan gue yang udah mati selama satu tahun hidup kembali? gak tau ya, itu kan baru perasaab gue aja dan gue orang yang rada susah sekarang untuk sayang secara benar sama cowo *TRAUMA sama masa lalu.
then malem ini, gak tau kenapa hati gue meloooooooow bgt sampai akhirnya gue memutuskan untuk nge-post this posting. i feel better after i wrote down everything.
oke, gue belum terlalu yakin gue suka beneran atau cuma merasa sepi dan kosong aja karena sudah satu tahun gue bener" belum berani dan siap untuk punya hubungan lagi sama cowo, tapi ini beda gue selalu menunggu dan deg"an.
gak salah sih, gue malah senang, tandanya gue secara perlahan mulai bisa ninggalin daerah trauma gue, tapiii gue gak mau berharap terlalu jauh. takut sakit bgt akhirnya kalau apa yang kita harapkan gak sesuai dengan apa yang jadi kenyataan.
hmmm,tapi sekarang gue baru sadar, kayaknya gue yang agresif bukan cowonya then gue berpikir bahwa ini semua salah. gue gak mau mengejar cowo lagi, gue mau sekarang gue yang dikejar. gue punya pengalaman amat pahit ya waktu gue jadian sama cowo yang gue gebet duluan, jadi gue gak mau itu terjadi lagi. let the love finds me, not me finds the love.
sekarang ada satu hal yang menganjal otak gue bahwa gue merasa itu cowo gak sadar atau gak peka ya sama gue? hmm jangan" dia hanya anggap gue teman biasa aja, gak ada niat untuk lebih dekat. okay, itu nyakitin, pemikiran kayak gitu nyakitin banget. tapi bukan gak mungkin semua hal itu benar, toh kita juga baru kenal dan blm pernah ketemu.
maka dari itu, gue mulai sekarang memutuskan untuk membuang jauh" harapan tinggi menjulang (hehe *lebai) untuk bisa menjadi orang yang lebih dekat lagi dengan dia. gue gak mau sakit lagi, cukup gue ngerasain sakit hati yang sampai sekarang masih berbekas. kalau memang cowo itu ada niat untuk lebih deket lagi sama gue, pasti ada jalan untuk kita berdua saling tahu kok :) :) be positive thinking aja :D
Sabtu, 02 Januari 2010
khayalan ...
gue gak tau kenapa tapi rasanya hati gue sakiiit bgt. gak ada apa" dan padahal gue baru aja pulang dari merayakan ulang tahun pernikahan mama dan papa yang ke-28. harusnya gue seneng atau perasaan gue normal" aja, tapi ini GAK ! kea ada yang nusuk" gitu di hati gue *lebai, tapi serius ya ini gue pengen banget nangis. tapi lama" gue sadar kenapa gue begini, cuma Allah dan gue yang tau. banyak hal yang udah gue lewatin bahkan sekarang aja udah Januari 210, tapi gak ada yang berubah dari diri gue, terutama hati dan perasaan gue. sekarang gue sadar dan ngerti dengan kata" bahwa perasaan itu gak bisa dipaksain. itulah yang gue alami sekarang.
gue sadar bgt ini salah dan dengan cara apapun gak bisa dibenarkan, tapi gimana setiap khayalan gue selalu itu, dengan itu dan begitu. apa gue minta? GAK. itu semua kea ngalir aja gitu, gak enak kali ngerasain hal kea gini, selalu menyesakkan dada. tapi perasaan itu kan sesuatu yang gak bisa kita kontrol, pikiran juga gak bisa dikontrol, semuanya ngalir gitu aja. eh pikiran bisa deh dikontrol, tapi susah, tergantung mood. kadang gue pengen deh hidup di dunia khayalan aja, lebih menyenangkan daripada dunia nyata yang rasanya kea ditampar bgt gggrrr.
sakit deh ni gue lama". bahkan gue pernah ngebayangin sesuatu yang bodoh bgt, kea nyusun skenario sendiri dalam otak gue. tujuannya supaya mendapatkan apa yang paling gue inginkan saat ini. gue udah terlalu lama bermain-main sama masa lalu gue sampe gue terperangkap sendiri dan susah bgt untuk keluar sekarang. gue nyakitin perasaan dan diri gue sendiri dengan khayalan" gue itu. membuat mood gue turun naik.
gue sadar bgt ini salah dan dengan cara apapun gak bisa dibenarkan, tapi gimana setiap khayalan gue selalu itu, dengan itu dan begitu. apa gue minta? GAK. itu semua kea ngalir aja gitu, gak enak kali ngerasain hal kea gini, selalu menyesakkan dada. tapi perasaan itu kan sesuatu yang gak bisa kita kontrol, pikiran juga gak bisa dikontrol, semuanya ngalir gitu aja. eh pikiran bisa deh dikontrol, tapi susah, tergantung mood. kadang gue pengen deh hidup di dunia khayalan aja, lebih menyenangkan daripada dunia nyata yang rasanya kea ditampar bgt gggrrr.
sakit deh ni gue lama". bahkan gue pernah ngebayangin sesuatu yang bodoh bgt, kea nyusun skenario sendiri dalam otak gue. tujuannya supaya mendapatkan apa yang paling gue inginkan saat ini. gue udah terlalu lama bermain-main sama masa lalu gue sampe gue terperangkap sendiri dan susah bgt untuk keluar sekarang. gue nyakitin perasaan dan diri gue sendiri dengan khayalan" gue itu. membuat mood gue turun naik.
begging ...
God... I'm begging you. It's so really hard, you know exactly what is in my heart. I dont want to be a donkey, fall down in the same hole for twice. God, it was happen for regulary, when I tried supposed myself to forget him, my dream was always about him, in the way you drew it, that was so sweet.
then I woke up and felt not well, I wished too much in my dream. It seemed like a slap in my face, shouted me "WAKE UP, IT'S NOT REAL. YOU ARE DREAMING".
God, I know everything can be something that not logic in human's thought, but YOU can do it. I'm in the way to open a new relationship with someone match for me and I got dream about him again. Always like this. I never want stress on it, but it's so bothering my mind.
let him back or not come into my dreams anymore !!!
then I woke up and felt not well, I wished too much in my dream. It seemed like a slap in my face, shouted me "WAKE UP, IT'S NOT REAL. YOU ARE DREAMING".
God, I know everything can be something that not logic in human's thought, but YOU can do it. I'm in the way to open a new relationship with someone match for me and I got dream about him again. Always like this. I never want stress on it, but it's so bothering my mind.
let him back or not come into my dreams anymore !!!
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